Messing up lately.

This is what I'm feeling right at this moment.

I feel fucked up today. I did alot of stupid things. Unforgivable stupid things that I did not mean to do. Sometimes, I doubt my credibility. Am I really good at something? Shoot, I’m being harsh on myself. I just feel downright stupid.

Alot of things are going on in my mind lately. And I feel like im about to explode. I fail in emotional maturity. I can’t grasp that now.. not yet. One can only do so much. That I am sure. I hope things have been easier and lighter to carry. I want to be strong and up for everything that comes along my way. But how? If I give up now, things will be okay…for now. But what about the future? If I give up every time I fail, how will I learn to stand up again?

It eats me up inside. No matter how much I try to contain my tears, it just falls out freely. and i feel my heart getting heavier. I wish I can answer all my questions but I’m plainly clueless. I want to leave everything behind and start from scratch, but I’m just scared to do that either.

I’m at the point of letting go. Holding on to what keeps me together. I just don’t know what to do.